Dave and Joel's Fast Karate For The Gentleman:an anime and videogaming podcast

Dumb People

2007-01-31T07:36:00.000-05:00

This post is for dumb people (like Daryl Surat). If you are dumb (like Daryl Surat) and haven't realized we've moved, please go to www.daveandjoel.com, which you should've been using to access the site anyway.

www.daveandjoel.com

Mysterious secrets are to be beheld.

~Dave

Show #80: The Nintendo Blow

2007-01-22T17:39:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about The Legend of Zelda.

This podcast is about:

The Nintendo Blow

Nintendo Cereal

That "one" Heart Container

Show #79: Getting Stabbed Sucks

2007-01-21T13:08:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Trinity Blood.

This podcast is about:

Rollerskating Midgets

Savage Love

Byzantium

The 40 oz

Show #78: The Esoteric Dodge

2007-01-16T15:38:00.000-05:00

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This time we (generally) talk about The Wii.

This podcast is about:

Joel punching junk

Foie Gras

Sweaty Italians

Attention Whores

Perverts

Show #77: Suzuki Honda Ford

2007-01-13T09:59:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Tokyo Babylon.

This podcast is about:

Totally inappropriate montages

Purple Rain

Xzibit

Dog Cannons

Show #76: The Railith Show

2007-01-09T21:28:00.000-05:00

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Dave sez: So I guess since this time we decided to finally destroy Koi Kaze (with forum member Railtih's suggested method) and speak about videogames per forum member Railith's suggestion. Thus: The Railith show. Enjoy the video.

Dave also sez: I'm gonna be in Florida again (Tampa Bay) from Friday to Wednesday. As per the usual, people down there get in touch with me.

This time we talk about Mega Man.

This podcast is about:

Flaming Bombats (and Koi Kaze)

Top Man

Axl Rose

Cho Aniki

Show #75: Did I Just Have Sex?

2007-01-05T15:12:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Ninja Scroll.

This podcast is about:

Vice (totally hot)

Chinese Hats

Vagina Snakes

Concubines

Show #74: 45 Second Vomit Joke

2007-01-03T21:51:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Detective Conan (aka Case Closed).

Enjoy the AWESOME OPENING THEME (at the end).

This podcast is about:

South Park

Film Noir downfalls

Show #73: Alright, He Just Stabbed Me in the Chin

2006-12-31T00:13:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Samurai X.

This podcast is about:

Ecco the Dolphin

The Shinsengumi

Guns (they don't kill people)

Show #72: Betamax Sucks

2006-12-27T23:02:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about 2006's Videogames.

This podcast is about:

Betamax

Sandwiches

Micropayments

Cthulhu

Show #71: Dueling Banjos

2006-12-23T18:22:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Dangaioh.

This podcast is about:

Moon Pies

Bull Dykes

Espers

Keith Burgess

Show #70: So Ronery

2006-12-21T20:03:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Deus Ex.

So it looks like I got it out anyway. I guess I had nothing better to do tonight...

This podcast is about:

Hot King of Fighters girls

Italian Girls

System Shock 2(!!!)

Crash'd

2006-12-20T19:44:00.000-05:00

So here's the deal:

Joel... isn't around. So we didn't get a podcast for tonight. So I recorded one for myself. And then... stuff happened.

I was working in Sound Forge (8.0) when I performed a "save as" and, for some reason, the program erased basically all the audio in the file. I guess because I did a "save as" I can't undo anything

I was working in a stereo file that only had audio on one track, but I'd pasted in a couple things that had audio on both channels. When I did the "save as" everything that only had audio on the one channel outright disappeared, but the stuff on both channels stayed.

Because I'm stupid, I only have one copy of this file. Is there any way to recover it?

If there isn't... sorry guys, no podcast. I can't bear to record/edit it again.

Show #69: Down to Gitmo

2006-12-15T19:40:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Neo-Tokyo.

This podcast is about:

R-Type Ships

Deltron 30-30

Vagina Dentata

This shit (it's Bananas)

Show #68: THIS is next gen gaming

2006-12-11T19:17:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about NEXT GEN GAMING!.

This podcast is about:

Kaz Hirai (RIDGE RACER! RIIIIIIIIIIIDGE RACER!)

Magic Dust

Kabuki Warriors

Wii Damage

Show #67: MAKAI TENSHO!

2006-12-10T10:29:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Ninja Resurrection.

This podcast is about:

Fighting with your hair

Fighting with your hair (part 2)

Christian Sorcery

MAKAI TENSHO!!

Show #66: Poison

2006-12-03T14:58:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Gears of War.

WARNING: The first seven minutes of this podcast is all about us drinking poison soda. It may not be funny, listen at your own risk.

This podcast is about:

Bottled Poison (available at your local Target!)

Next generation TVs

Chainsaw Guns

Ben Roethisberger

Show #65: Bootylicious: Part II

2006-12-02T23:38:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Ergo Proxy.

This podcast is about:

Cogito Ergo Sum

Gay Robots

Proxies(?)

Booty

Show #64: Cellphones to Vibrate

2006-11-25T13:08:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Koi Kaze.

We also get interrupted a few times...

This podcast is about:

Choo Choo Trains

Stepsisters (yowza!)

The Golden Ratio

Busting up some Koi Kaze

Show #63: Selfaggrandizement

2006-11-21T19:39:00.000-05:00

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Warning: This is a mostly Joel free show where I let you listen to my tastes in anime music. It is very long, but I figured those of you making long drives over Thanksgiving would like something to listen to in the interim. Hopefully the volume doesn't jump around too much.

I hope you like it (you won't)! If that's not the case, take heart! Saturday we return to the normal format with the dreaded Koi Kaze.

EDIT: Also, Joel and I recently did a podcast with Paul Chapman (aka Gokiburi Chachacha, aka The Almighty Gooberzilla) AND Daryl Surat (aka, biggest jerk on the interwubs) about Arnold Schwartzennger's oft forgotten classic: Commando.

The show is here

And this is Goki's podcast page

Hopefully that will assuage your grief after listening to me for 80 minutes.

EDIT2: YAM RISOTTO!

I nearly forgot. Thanks to Mozesh for reminding me.

The recipe:

6 large size yams

8 cups unsalted chicken stock

2 tbsp butter, melted

1 clove garlic, minced

1 bunch collard greens (or kale)

1 onion2 cups Arborio or Carnaroli rice

4 ounces mozzarella

1 ounce aged Asiago cheese

Freshly ground pepper

Lots of crazy people have thoughts that you can magically put Yams in the oven and bake them soft. I would suggest that you either cook them in the microwave or boil them on the stove. When they're nice and done put 'em all in the blender and slowly add chicken stock until you've got a nice, creamy consistency. Transfer the puree to a small saucepan and heat it slowly. When it is hot, whisk in the butter and set aside. Keep warm.

In a medium saute pan do what you do when you sautee (garlic and oil!) and start lumping in your colalrd greens, which you should have rinsed and tore up. Cook until they're so green that you feel your eyes might be removed from your sockets merely by looking at them. Keep warm.

In a saucepan, heat the remaining stock until it is steaming but not boiling. Keep hot.

In another saucepan, heat heat yet more oil. Add your onion (well chopped!) and cook until they're nice and ready. Add the rice, stirring vigorously (avoid burning!) , and cook until it begins to turn a milky white, about 5 minutes. Now start slowly adding your stock to the mixture, a cup at a time, waiting until it's all absorbed by the rice until you add more. In 15 minutes or so your rice will be soft as a baby's bottom. This is all you need.

Next add the yam puree, stirring until it has coated all of the rice. Add the collard greens and the mozzarella. Stir until the cheese has melted. Divide the risotto among individual bowls or plates, and top each one with grated Asiago and a little freshly ground pepper. Serve immediately, because if you don't then it's just not risotto!

The finished product

This podcast is about:

Priscila S. Asagiri (my cartoon crush)

Show #62: What is the Gestation Period of a Ninja?

2006-11-18T19:38:00.000-05:00

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WARNING: This podcast is chock full of meandering, and there are many parts that are very boring. Add to the fact that I edited it in about 20 minutes so I could put it up the same day, and some may not be pleased with the results. Listen at your own risk. If it's any consolation, I do choke on Eel many times throughout the course of the show.

This time we talk about Soultaker.

Though I'm not sure if we actually talk about it...

This podcast is about:

Fake Sushi Grass

Wasabi

Pascal's Wager

"Oh Shit" robots

No Show

2006-11-15T15:42:00.000-05:00

Joel had to go belittle the proletariat at a "benefit function" with his "wife". Between that and my trip to Florida this weekend we didn't have time to do any interweb shows this week (Saturday and Tuesday are our only mutually free days).

I considered roping the ole ball and chain into doing a show with me, but I couldn't find any shows about baking bread or making babies. Since those are the only things I know FOR SURE that girls like, I quickly dropped that option.

Then I was like "Hey, I could do a show by myself!", but that would be much like sitting through Costello being a moron without Abott to smack him on the back of the head. No good.

So sorry, all venues are closed. Fast Karate will return to its regularly scheduled programming on Saturday. Expect us to talk about Koi Kaze in the near future.

Provided we don't commit suicide directly after watching it.

~Dave

Show #61: The Count of Monte Crisco

2006-11-09T18:26:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about The Count of Monte Cristo, aka Gankutsuo.

Joel doesn't like me using that "Crisco" joke.

This podcast is about:

Prussians

Aristocats

Kid n' Play

Tea Leoni (yes)

Show# 60: Hideo Kojima: Voice of the Masses

2006-11-08T17:10:00.000-05:00

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Attention Florida podcasters: I (Dave) will be in your fine state (near-ish to Tampa) this weekend and would jump at the opportunity to hang out with any of you. I'll be free on Saturday night. Send me an e-mail.

This time we talk about Metal Gear Solid. All of it.

And it's not good.

But if you like it, it's okay. We still like you.

Well... Joel does.

This podcast is about:

The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Show #59: Drop the Stones, Dr. Jones!

2006-11-04T11:17:00.000-05:00

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This time we talk about Kakurenbo (aka Hide and Seek).

If the audio goes wonky at the end "my bad", we'll get to the bottom of this!!

This podcast is about:

Foxgirls

Midgets

Cockroaches

Show #58: Candy Corn Soda

2006-11-01T15:39:00.000-05:00

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We meant to talk about scary games, but mostly we just bored you. Oh well! There's a real podcast on Saturday!

Sorry about the weird clicking in the background. I don't know what that is. Hopefully it's not too bad.

This podcast is about:

Booberry

Candy Corn Soda

Forbidden Lovers

What Candy Corn Soda Does To Your Sink

What it does to Joel

Somebody help!

Show #57: Whoever Wins, We Lose

2006-10-28T12:05:00.000-04:00

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Human Crossing... where do you even start?

How can you scream, when you don't have a mouth?

Show #56: Keep Your Pimp Hand Strong

2006-10-25T14:52:00.000-04:00

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This week it's all about recent PS2 brawler God Hand, be aware that serious "pimp handing" ensues.

Yowser.

Show #55: OMG SPOILERz!

2006-10-21T11:22:00.000-04:00

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This week we discuss anime "classic" Armitage III, a dub that regretably does NOT feature Kiefer Sutherland.

Don't worry guys, there's no "spoilerz."

On Wednesday we're going to try and move to a new format. Wednesday will be for videogames/extras while Saturday is for the anime public. Two podcasts a week!! ARE YOU MAD?!

Also:

Show #54: Big Adventures in Little New York

2006-10-17T23:42:00.000-04:00

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This week we (belatedly) talk about our time at the very first SitaCon!

Sorry if the edit is crappy(er than usual). I rushed through it, we only finished recording about an hour ago.

Second class citizens

Videogames courtesy of the Night Shift Guys
Notice my patented (retarded) "videogame lip bite"

The Artist's Alley, or lack thereof

OMG! SEKRET MESSAGES!!

The truth is revealed

Darth Vader Jr. Current Net Income: 130k (and a Chevette)

Late

2006-10-15T10:11:00.000-04:00

The next podcast will be up late Tuesday or early Wednesday. Sorry for the delay, we got caught in corn. A maize maze, if you will.

Show #53: In Your House, Drinking Your Orange Juices

2006-10-09T15:40:00.000-04:00

Show #52: How Bizarre

2006-10-02T21:15:00.000-04:00

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Dave sez: This week we ATTEMPT to talk about Otaku no Video.

Shownotes later.

Please forgive the delay!

Show #51: Cyber Game Hard-On

2006-09-19T00:18:00.000-04:00

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0:33 Megazone 23 III and 3/4

Joel: Hard on ... that is all.
Dave: Well, not ALL, but most...

0:59 Rule of Rose

Joel: This game looked creepy, but apparently it was lame, most likely from polio. Within the time frame of the game, that is a contemporary reference.
Dave: I wish this game CAUGHT polio.

3:12 Feel the rat!

6:44 Missing in Action

Joel: Chuck Norris hates Vietnam. Science fact.
Dave: Chuck Norris hates people that hate FREEDOM.

8:37 Samurai Champloo

Joel: If the premise is good enough, I'll like even its most lackluster implementations. Rapping samurai's is one such premise.
Dave: Beatboxing samurais are my personal kryptonite.

9:33 Earth Worm Jim and Secret of Mana

Joel: Well, there's Dave's and my childhood in their perspective nutshells.
Dave: Our lives feel sad now.

10:30 Megazone 23 I

Joel: City = space ship. Girl's = easy. The eighties anime formula was followed perfectly.
Dave: Joel forgets one more. Hair = big.
Joel: Also green.

14:10 Mr Game and Watch

Joel: This character, well loved in my childhood, was resurrected by Smash Brothers Melee, and paid homage to by the animators of Mega Zone.
Dave: It's really postmodern, if you think about it.

16:11 Strokes: A Dangerous side affect of anime production.

Joel: We normally talk about how anime affects its viewers, but its detrimental impact on its creators should not be ignored.
Dave: Use your head, guys!

16:58 Shinji Aramaki

Joel: This blog is practically a Shinji Aramaki fan site.
Dave: He's my online pretend girlfriend.

18:01 Back to the Future II

Joel: I wish the Doc would have shown up and used his now trash powered Delorian to go back in time and stop Megazone 23 III from being created ... if we had time after killing the parents of the creators of DearS, Desert Punk and Elfen Leid and investing in Microsoft.
Dave: I want to invest in potato futures.
Joel: I'm not going to let you do that.

23:06 Chekhov's Gun

Joel: There is nothing discrete about how Megazone 23 III does anything.

24:17 Zerg Rush!

24:34 Hard ON

Joel: This show could only be made more interesting by references to a turgid penis. And yes, that is the gayest thing I've ever said.
Dave: Turgid penis? Joel secretly writes pirate-based female-demographic romance novels under the pen name "Enola Gaye"

26:13 The Last Star Fighter

Joel: Dave skipped right past this reference. Goki, do a podcast about it.
Dave: Goki, do a podcast about why I'm awesome and Joel smells.

27:32 Samurai 7

Joel: IFC tried to capitalize on the anime craze by broadcasting this show. Akira Kurosawa it ain't, but its definitely a passable show.
Dave: You want to know what IFC is showing next? GUNSLINGER GIRL.

28:36 Space Harrier

Joel: Space Harrier: good by itself, great when its a mini game.
Dave: Excuse me, have you seen any sailors?

Show #50: But Seriously, You Still Gotta Die

2006-09-16T10:53:00.000-04:00

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Dave sez: Gunslinger Girl: nothing to do with Clint Eastwood.

00:44 Enjoy Runaaway Train while this travesty begins

Joel: Dave violates Ben's deepest desires as we waste 1:45.

2:13 Goki, Kiss my converse.

Joel: That's right, its a mixed reference. Bubblegum Crisis 2040 was awesome.
Dave: Space Dinosauuuuuuuuuurs.

Rar!!!

3:06 Gokiburi, we can't stay mad at you.

4:53 Phillip Glass

Joel: Phillip Glass and minimalism were interesting for about three minutes my sophmore year of college.
Dave: But that one episode of South Park he was on (in spirit) will live on forever!

6:38 Sitacon

Joel: Could this be Dave and Joel's chance to break out and be famous? Probably not. But we are still pumped like the dickens.
Dave: The dickens!!

8:24 Gunslinger Girls

Joel: Definitive proof that humanity is doomed. Geopolitics, enviornmental damage and myriad personal cruelties all pale in significance to this show.
Dave: Not too coincedentally, like a corrupt microcosm, the show also cotains many of these things.

9:45 Facebook

Joel: Is the like the new Myspace? Or is it the old Myspace? Whatever, I hate social networking sites. Especially PeoplewhohavebangedDavesMom.com. The community there is so fake.
Dave: I hope it's just spambots... :(

11:19 Phillip K. Dick's The Hanging Stranger

Joel: Man, Phillip K. Dick was a cynical dude. A cynical, drug addled dude.
Dave: And he wrote some DAMN good Sci-Fi!

15:35 They Live

Joel: Seriously, the aliens show up midwway through. My bad about the other thing.
Dave: Ooops...

17:40 Unforgiven

Joel: "Should have thought of that before he decorated his bar with my friend." Tough.
Dave: Collecting teddy bears and having your period is tough too!!

18:00 Onomatopoeia

Joel: Bang, boom, splash, meow, pkow. None of which aliterate.
Dave: Oomph!
Joel: That doesn't aliterate either.

18:21 Sergio Leoni
Joel: If you listen in the backround, you'll here Dave say he doesn't think he's dead. Even if he was before, now that we've compared him to Gunslinger Girl's, his corpse is trying to beat the black helicopters to our door.
Dave: I was WAY off on that, by the way. He died like twenty years ago. Oops.

22:23 Looks can be deceiving. They're all the same.

28:49 Paranoia Agent

Joel: Dave has a boner ready for this show's creators.
Dave: Well, really just one of them...

30:24 DearS rearS itS ugly head(S).

Joel: Iron Monkey lied to me. Treating poison with poison doesn't work. Now both of these shows are swimming around in my head destroying my mind.
Dave: You have only yourself to blame. I share with you no sympathy.

Show #49: Invisible Touch

2006-09-09T23:38:00.000-04:00

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Dave sez: Birdy the Mighty: Lo Fat, Lo Cal, Lo Everything.

1:03 Yakov Smirnoff

Joel: Is this joke even cuturally relevant anymore?
Dave: Only to internet dorks.

2:01 Crank

Joel: Jason Statham is my main man. Kazuo Koike needs to stay away from American cinema.
Dave: Latino + Blowjob + Steak + Dog = uncomfooooooooortable.

3:02 IHOP

Joel: Not that great. Plus, the name is an acronym but the sign fails to indicate that with periods.
Dave: Yeah, syntax is the reason we should string them up.

6:16 Fiber glass is going to kill you.

Joel: Now you know you should be afraid of everything.
Dave: Well, it won't kill you. It'll probably just make you really itchy.

8:10 Birdy the Mighty
Joel: Not bad, but definitely not good. Ok is probably the best way to describe it.

9:03 Boss Roach

Joel: His real name is irrelevent because Boss Roach is so much cooler than anything Japan could conceive.

12:50 The Descent

Joel: I'm actually suprised Dave doesn't like this movie. I've never seen it, but reliable sources said it was alright.
Dave: Reliable sources should've told you that human beings 1) haven't been around long enough to evolve into crazy mutants, especially not if said mutants seem to have "evolved" from native American tribes 2) If your super evolution involves loss of sight, your other senses should not ALSO denegrate to compensate.

15:40 Phil Collins' Invisible Touch

Joel: I can't emphasize this enough: Phil Collins sucks.
Dave: I can't emphasize how awesome "Land of Confusion" is.
Joel: I can't emphsize how much I hate you.

16:26 All of Me

Joel: This was actually a pretty cool movie.
Dave: I prefer the Chevy Chase movie when he gets put in a woman's body and tries to have a lesbian encounter, only to fail because he's just THAT homophobic.

17:05 Total Recall

Joel: Be prepared to hear the lines "Quaid. Use the reactor; Save Mars," a lot in the future.
Dave: Sorry.

18:01 Botulism

Joel: I can't imagine it's as easy to detect botulism as I assume considering actual humans have died from it.
Dave: Humans also die from falling in holes.

19:43 How High

Joel: Didn't see this movie, but based on Dave's statements I'm kinda glad.
Dave: Don't mess with Method Man's magnum opus.

23:08 Muck from Final Fantasy I

Joel: Apparently Dave has a festering hatred of mucks and the FFI magic system. This must only be compounded by the fact that only one of the monsters above is actually a muck.
Dave: But they're all equally irritating.

28:29 Look those names up yourself.

Joel: There are a lot of things Dave just rattled off. You can go to imdb.
Dave: None of them are important in any significant way.

29:55 WXIII

Joel: I actually really like this movie. More than than the previous Patlabor movies.
Dave: Only a man with no penis wouldn't enjoy Patlabor 2.

30:30 Sadamitsu the Destroyer

Joel: We talked about this show. It was pretty good.
Dave: It was like a good version of Birdy! With... strange, potentially homosexual overtones.

Show #48: We're Smart Too, Guys!

2006-09-02T18:43:00.000-04:00

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Dave sez: This week it's LUPIN ZA THIIIIIIIIIRD! We'll probably have shownotes up semi-promptly too!!

Show #47: Girls On Film

2006-08-26T19:33:00.000-04:00

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Dave sez: This week, we talk about Speed Grapher. Next week, Joel and I will get mic stands. Also next week: my Indian neighbors will (hopefully) not blast Bollywood during our podcast.

Shownotes to come!

Show #46: Mazintainment!!

2006-08-24T23:23:00.000-04:00

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0:49 Big Apple Anime Fest

Joel: Alas, the only other Con we thought about maybe planning on possibly going to is defunct.
Dave: Don't worry, Ninja Consultants mailed us about a whole bunch of stuff I've been way too lazy to get back to them about!!

1:46 Nambul: War Stories

Joel: The only good thing that was at the CPM panel in 2004.
Dave: Justin Sevakis, we hardly knew ye.

2:29 Super Robot Taisen: Original Generation

Joel: This game looks to have a similar appeal to Namco X Capcom with the important caveat that this series has proven worthwhile.
Dave: Mostly because Shin Getter Robo makes ANY series worthwhile.

Super Robot Taisen OG

Joel: Looks good to me.

4:09 Final Fantasy III redux.

Joel: Man, that turtle looks awesome.

4:57 Mazinkaiser

Joel: These things don't really work like serial numbers.

6:11 MazinLOCKANDLORRRRE!

Joel: Great, I just ruined another chair.
Dave: Great, I just found my FUTURE WIFE.
Joel: Who?
Dave: Great Mazinger.
Joel: O... h...

6:54 And there goes another chair.

Joel: I need some sort of amish sweat shop churning out chairs in my basement. There are way too many songs that pump me up. Also, this comparison is suprisingly accurate. I say suprisingly because when Dave said this I didn't actually believe him.

8:14 Getter Robo is to Tomahawk as Mazinkaiser is to:

a)Henshin
b)Shining Finger
c)Sword

9:55 Matrix: Reloaded

Joel: I tried desperately to like this movie. It didn't really work out.
Dave: Trying to like anything after the first Matrix is about as futile as life gets.

11:32 Karaoke Ninja definitely got his ninja speed badage.

Joel: Karaoke Ninja, a venerable member of the Frontbeat forum, already corrected us. Mazin is apparently some kind of demon in Japan. It is also an arabic name meaning "rain cloud."
Dave: So we can assume that "Mazinkaiser" means 'rain cloud king'?
Joel: Yes.
Dave: Honestly I just figured it was Go Nagai being all crazy and making up words again.
Joel: Oh Go Nagai, you cad!

12:35 G..... .... released by G.....

Joel: I'm not really suprised this didn't do well. The male characters actually look like men and they never come close to kissing.
Dave: It's hard not to imprint your desires on fandom as a whole... but this really sucks guys!! Stop avoiding anime because it doesn't reuse the same damn "LOL U R SHORT!!" joke every episode!
Joel: I would much rather have an anime that reused the same damn "lol, I just ripped your arm off with a coffee grinder" joke every episode.
Dave: Agreed.

15:13 Boss Borot

Joel: My robot falls apart ... that's about it.
Dave: Falls apart TO HILARIOUS EFFECT.

16:37Baron Ashura and Dr. Hell

Joel: This is your evil mastermind team? A geriatric and a hermaphrodite?
Dave: A geriatric in a UNITARD!

Mazin-tard!

18:39 The weakest Voltron Cat?

Joel: According to Dave, this is the one. I contend they're all the same.
Dave: Joel, everyone knows girls can't drive. This is DOUBLY true for giant robots.

Mazin-titties!

Dave: That picture makes me sorta hot...
Joel: You make me sorta sad.
Dave: Sad you didn't say it first?
Joel: Sad to be in the same room with you.
Dave: Oh... :(

20:25 Wicked City and Apocalypse Zero

Joel: Breasts.... and vaginas are trying to kill you. Be aware.
Dave: Be aware of how SEXY that is!!

22:14 Dutch Angle

Joel: I wish everything in my life was shot from these angles. Imagine slamming quarters on a counter at 7-11. Now do it with Mazinkaiser camera angles. Pretty sweet, huh?

28:24 Ultimate Mechanical Monster Oblivion Engine .... Doug.

Joel: This is the lamest name ever. I would have accepted Xavier or Alexander. But Gordon is a bust.
Dave: I would've accepted only "Awesome" or "Pizza Party".

30:22 TechRomancer

Joel: This game is good. Really good. Lots of different endings and pretty entertaining but easy to understand game play. Highly recommended.
Dave: Highly recommended that you dig it out of a landfill where all Dreamcast games/paraphenalia went since NOBODY BOUGHT THE DAMN SYSTEM.
Joel: You people killed Sega.

We're late

2006-08-20T12:19:00.000-04:00

As you might notice, there's no podcast yet. Sorry guys, Joel and I got held up this week and couldn't get together to get anything done, I blame the sudden appearance of his wife's sister.

Anyway, we'll get together sometime this week and do it. I would hope for a late Tuesday/early Wednesday release...

...of TURBO SMASHING SENSATION!!

Show #45: Otakon 2006: New Friends

2006-08-13T12:44:00.000-04:00

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Dave sez: Where are the shownotes? Has zombie godzilla taken them?

0:01 Hate hate hate

Joel: Nice try Mark but our karate is so strong no one can handle it, which is why no one listens to us.
Dave: Save your breath Joel, spammers don't speak english.

2:36 back to back microphone madness

Joel:Dave and I can now live out our wildest 80s glam rock fantasies.
Dave: And you can listen to us in (almost, sorta) high fidelity sound!

5:30 I wish Dave knew this saying

Joel: "I wish I knew then what I know now." There, now it actually makes sense.
Dave: I wish I knew how to make you shut up.

6:20 Alpha Shade gets their propers

Joel: These guys have been cool with Dave and Skabs for a while, and now they have a link on this podcast.
Dave: Because they totally need it.

7:26 John Skabla

Joel: Big sissy girl ... who can also draw.
Dave: Also, the 'big' is under question.

9:07 Sic Productions

Joel: I'm pretty sure everything Dave said was gibberish. Still, Abelard did write a book called Sic et Non.
Dave: You're treading on thin ice, Joel.

13:39 AWO and Ninja Consultants

Joel: These podcasts are comprised of 100% awesome people.
Dave: Except for Daryl Surat.
Joel: Wait, what?

16:01 Urusei Yatsura and Ranma

Joel: Dave once again endears himself to the anime community.
Dave: Never, not even in the face of armageddon, never compromise.

18:14 Ninja Consultants Promo

Dave: This promo is 'lol-tastic'

20:28 Ninja Gaiden

Joel: This game was impossible. I was thoroughly convinced the two gargoyles were the last boss based entirely on how hard they were.
Dave: Why the eff is the last boss of a Japanese game named Jacquito?
Joel: A better question, one raised many times over, is why an eagle can take off more life than a bullet.

21:30 Clown Pistols

Joel: Daryl also quoted John Wilkes Boothe as he fired. Classic.
Dave: Hey Mr. History, how about he quoted BRUTUS.

27:52 Open Arms

Joel: Man, Journey is awesome!

28:49 Silent Hill Panel

Joel: Imagine someone reading to you in preschool. Now take away a story book with a bear and a mischievious squirrel and replace it with three girls giggling at each other and sometimes telling you about Silent Hill.
Dave: Wait, what Silent Hill?

31:32 King of Fighters Cosplay

31:56 Silent Hill Plot Summary

Joel: This guy spent a lot of timing failing school to produce this.
Dave: I'm pretty sure he was like 35 when he made it.
Joel: That's sad. :(

34:16 Gradius

Joel: Is Gradius really that soothing?
Dave: No. But relative to anime fans...

40:43 Dave now has an arch nemesis

Joel: Christina Auten will soon be getting mainstream press attention because a crazed fan is going to murder her husband.
Dave: If she doesn't like her husband that much, her skyrocketing career will be just one of two things she has to thank me for!
Joel: What's the other thing?
Dave: My tremendous wang.
Joel: I have to go.

45:24 Hypocrisy?

Joel: Dave and I can't be hypocritical because in order to be hypocritical we would need to be wrong.
Dave: I was wrong once, but it was only about me not always being right.

Show #44: Seriously Awkward

2006-08-06T21:42:00.000-04:00

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Dave sez: Otakon was the business.

0:30 Ewwwwwwww

Joel: Maggots are gross ... that's all I've got.
Dave: I came back home to no flies, and the apartment wasn't burned down. A+++!

2:06 Spontaneous Generation

Joel: There was actually a time when man not only believe meat generated maggots, but that rotting wood generated ducks.
Dave: True story.

Hot hot hot

3:30 The Heat Index

Joel: People from the south will understand what the Japanese know Mushiatsui which translates to "Its hot as balls. No really, balls."
Dave: This week it's been about 85 degrees, which calculates to a 30-some degree drop in temperature.

5:47 Mad Max 2: The Only Really Good One

Joel: Mel Gibson brings the word of God to Lord Humungus' gang. What is the word? Don't eff with Mel Gibson.
Dave: Especially if you're a stupid kyke cop.

6:03 Snow Crash

Joel: This book isn't so much a summation of my goals in life as it is verbatum recreation. Its everything the 13 year old kid inside thought he would be when he was 6. With a single caveat: I didn't know the aleutian islands were populated.
Dave: And I didn't know what a dentata was!

9:46 The CS poem

Joel: This might actually be the worst thing written in the english language. If you count l337 as english.

12:03 Gerald Rathkolb

Joel: This is a podcast that actually knows something about anime and as a result is wildly popular as far as I'm concerned.
Dave: More importantly, this is probably the ONLY podcast on the internet that knows something worthwhile about anime.

13:16 Dragon Voice

Joel: I was dead right about what this was called, which I only just learned via google. Have picture.
Dave: Oh great, THANKS. SO GLAD I SAW THIS.

15:26 Shinji Aramaki

Joel: This is a pretty impressive catalog.
Dave: Even Appleseed: The movie was halfway decent!
Joel: When compared to the Appleseed OVA...
Dave: Well, yeah...

16:58 Kikaider 01

Joel: Roley poley robots that grow disturbingly violent as they approach a more human conciousness.
Dave: Blah blah blah, man's inhumanity to man... GO HAKKAIDER!!

19:17 Spoilers

Joel: This is the worst disclaimer ever. I can't believe we basically blame our listeners for not having watched something.
Dave: This podcast is for people who don't dick around. If you dick around, then don't listen to our podcast... dicks.

20:56 Mazinkaiser vs. Kikaider Zero Wan

Joel: These songs are not so much similar as they are entirely dissimilar. What the heck Dave?
Dave: Joel, you need to look into the metaphysical to understand. Since clearly you cannot see the etherial links that inextricably bind these two shows, then I consider you lost to my cause. You're fired, clean out your locker.
Joel: You can't fire me, I quit... and you're not my boss!
Dave: Oh...

25:26 The abyss

Joel: This is a glimpse into the mind of Dave and Joel. To reassure: trembling is not unusual. It is difficult to look into the abyss.
Dave: What? I was distracted...

31:14 Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Joel: Actually Dave, this was the sixth episode. Try to keep it undercontrol or you'll incurr the wrath of the Star Wars faction of the internet, and we don't have enough acne cream and self confidence to fend them all off.
Dave: Joel, by referring to Return of the Jedi as the THIRD Star Wars movie, as most "true fans" disavow the prequels, I'm actually getting cred with the only Star Wars fansthat matter: none of them.

Alright Jesus Town, let's rock.

34:31 Hakaider

Joel: Ryuhei Kitamura refereces are not exactly the best way to recommend something.
Dave: Joel, don't be a square.

Show #43: Fast Karate SAVES THE SPACE!

2006-07-31T07:21:00.000-04:00

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Dave sez: Joel and I tend to joke around a lot, it's sort of how we make our trade, but be aware of this: Black Heaven really is one of the greatest shows of all time. It's a simple story about a simple man and it's truly heartwarming when you really think about it. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing, but if you don't get a little choked up during the penultimate scene then you aren't human.

If you have a chance to watch Black Heaven, do not let it pass you by. It's a masterpiece.

In closing (to the preface), I leave you with a quote from my good friend Andrew:

Andrew: You better put that tie around your head, you know that's what gives you the awesoma power.

Think about it.

Shownotes by Joel:

1:56 Errata

Joel: I think I was much more comfortable in the dark on this one.
Dave: I've been living with this pain for like eight years. Deal with it.

3:35 Legend of Black Heaven

Joel: Burned out eighties rockers return to the stage to save the universe. Sign me up.
Dave: Sign me up double.

Back to back playing style!

4:30 Sound in Space

You might want to tell me that sound can't travel through the vaccuum of
space. I would say to you, shut up or my space rock groove powered
super weapon will destroy everyone you love.

6:38 Johnny Mnemonic

Joel: I'm not sure why Dave brought this up, but I love me some Johnny Mnemonic, Lotec fo'eva.
Dave: I'm actually not sure myself. Obviously I was confused, because it's Ice T in the movie, not Ice CUBE. ...and I got the quote wrong... :(

8:46 Macross Plus

Joel: Macross Plus was a good movie and it helped us learn an important lesson: cyber pop idols are evil and they will inevitably seek to control the alien technology our civilization now possesses.
Dave: Despite being evil, most cyberpop idols are TOTALLY HOT.

My word! Singing? I do say my emotions (or lack thereof) are totally flabbergasted!

9:53 Saint Anger

Joel: This album was good, Dave's stupid and wrong opinion not withastanding.
Dave: I'm sorry Joel, sorry I come from a time when metal wasn't totally CRAPPY and WEAK.

14:35 Beau Billingsley

Joel: He has achieved main man status, not that that's really much of achievement. It's still just me and Dave.
Dave: Who the hell else is going to give it to him? David Williams of ADV Films? I THINK NOT! Not much of an achievement? Try greatest honor ever.

19:47 Hajime No Ippo

Joel: Man, I really would like to see what happens in this show.
Dave: Man, I really wish there weren't so many DVDs in this series that it comprimised my ability to EAT.

20:29 Cowboy Bebop

Joel: Holy crap I love this show. Space noir cowboy bounty hunters. Its like the box of some Anime health food: only good ingredients.
Dave: Joel, saying it's like health food denotes it's crap. I think Cowboy Bebop is like a half a gallon of Rocky Road, except it's Rocky Road that also gets you laid... and possibly drunk.
Joel: I guess that's good too...

21:23 Guyver

Joel: New Guyver? New powers? Guyver was all about insane violence. Insane violence that did not involve lasers.
Dave: Actually Joel, I'm pretty sure the only new thing in this Guyver was his ability to make the last six episodes -totally- -weak-.

Well, I guess he won't claim to be the heir to the Hokuto no Ken again.

23:08 Dark Star is not the right thing, not at all.

Joel: We were not right about this at all. The guy's name was Dark Hawk.
Dave: Regardless, he did get shot in the leg that one time and complain about it... though now I can't remember where I was going with this. Also, Dark STAR totally sucked. All Jon Carpenter movies that weren't made between 1980 and 1995 are totally crap, and even in that relatively short time frame there's some landmines you need to look out for.

One more time:

Andrew: Dude, I knew he was bass.

Show #42: Joel Counts To Three

2006-07-22T13:58:00.000-04:00

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Enjoy the new hit single!

0:21 Otakon

Joel: We get thrown out of places all the time. Well, only once but that feels like a lot.
Dave: Driving home at 3 AM would do that to you.

02:54 AWO

Joel: It got mentioned, and Dave is gay for Daryl Surat.
Dave: Ouch?

4:15 Kenshiro and poor production

Joel: Man how long can that siren really go on for? I didn't even notice it when we were podcasting.
Dave: It's really just indicative of living in West Philadelphia. Unless someone dies right in front of you, you don't really notice.

07:06 FFXI = Microcosm

Joel: Its true. MMORPGs seem to provide a portrait in miniature of whatever the broader internet has to offer.
Dave: i.e.: crap.

9:28 The Greatest Movie Ever

Joel: Man, Goki's promo is awesome. It makes me feel bad about everything we're ever done. :(
Dave: We'll have a promo... eventually!!

11:42 Madox 01

Joel: To me, Dave can't read.

13:04 Apocalypse Zero Manga

Joel: Remember, where you stare into the abyss, it stares back into you.
Dave: Poor Daryl Surat...

15:55 This is the robot

Joel: Real inconspicuous. Keep in mind, the kids brilliant plan is to drive this through Tokyo to meet his girlfriend.
Dave: What's the worst that could happen?

21:37 Knights of the Zodiac a.k.a Saint Seiya a.k.a. Ronin Warriors Was Better.

Dave: Oh snap!! SAGE OF HALO!

22:11 Girls on Film

Joel: This was actually one of the first videos to be banned from MTV. I wonder if Speed Grapher will fare better.
Dave: It is my hope that Speed Grapher is banned from ALL TV.

24:46 It should be Kenshiro

Joel: Ken's email may have made it impossible for us not to mention The Fist of North Star, or made it more impossible for us not to mention it, if that's possible.
Dave: Our podcast is like how there's a Starbucks coffee cup in every scene of Fight Club. Fist of the North Star is omniprescent.

30:24 Mega Zone 23

Joel: Well, Mega Zone was definitely better than Kite.
Dave: Because that's so hard.

Show #41: I Really Should've Edited This

2006-07-15T10:25:00.000-04:00

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Shownotes are delicious, and that is a straight up FACTOID.

0:33 Apocalypse Zero

Joel: Possibly the worst thing ever. And possibly I mean definitely. For the kids out there that's "mos def." No, not the rapper; the abreviation.
Dave: Actually, let's make it the rapper too. Blackstar was awesome!

0:58 Frontbeat Poster!

Joel: This will definitely sell ... at least one. Possibley to Dave's Mom.
Dave: Actually... my mom gets one for free. :(

1:52 Native Americans Cannot Catch a Break

Joel: First we buy Manhattan with some beads, vioalte Indian notions of ownership and then they get abducted by Aliens.
Dave: And then someone has the nerve to make a crappy videogame about them...

Help me, oh great ancestor Rips Off Star Wars!

3:57 Remember this ratio: 10 dollars - 2 hours of movie.

Joel: That is just a general figure, but game designers should memorize it. If your game isn't at least 10 hours long and a minigame or, with the way things are going now, six, it's not worth my time. What's even worse is that games are taking longer to come out and are still too short. Where is all the time going. I'll tell you where: its going into the furrows in Obi Wan up there's forehead. Nice grafix dood, its all about the nice grafix.
Dave: Prey was one of those games stuck in development hell for 10 years. We should've just assumed it would be crap, as seems to be the case with any game that takes more than two years to come out. How's Duke Nukem: Forever doing?
Joel: Not well... not well at all.

4:18 Cold Fear

Joel: One more survival horror throw away.
Dave: What are you people doing to my genre?!

6:18 John Leguizamo

Joel: House of Bugging. Oh snap! The arch of his career has been strange indeed.
Dave: I should've edited this out.

8:10 No its not.

Joel: I've never really understood wampum, luckily Dave's joke provides the perfect pretense to look into it.
Dave: Considering I'm too lazy to click that link, I STILL don't know what it is. That's my recipe for comedy!

8:45 The Trail of Tears

Joel: This is one of the darkest episodes in American history.
Dave: Used for great comedic effect!

9:30 American Adventures in Currency

Joel: Man, petty theft would have been a lot better when people carried this much cash around.
Dave: I really wish I'd edited this part out.

16:07 Guyver + Kenshiro = Lame?

Joel: I know, it doesn't make sense to me either. It might just be that these shows are so good, that goodness is an essential quality of their existence. Thus, by diluting in anyway any aspect of the show, you corrupt them to their very cores, producing Apocalypse Zero. I think its also important to point out that we are not the first people to compare this show to the two mentioned above.
Dave: I doubt that very much! Nobody else on the internet is smart enough to make that comparison, much less actually have the fortitude to WATCH Apocalypse Zero.

18:25 Bear anatomy

Joel: The internet has everything. EVERYTHING.
Dave: Well now that we found that link I won't keep myself up at night anymore!

21:01 Mazinger Z

Joel: Missile boobies, while still disquieting, are no where near as bad as the villains in this show.
Dave: Giant robot missle boobs is one of the only funny things that's ever come out of Japan.
Joel: It's not really the same when they're fleshy and attached to a crustacean.
Dave: No, no it's not.

Joel: This is the only picture of one of these guys on the internet, which is a sign of just how bad this anime is.
Dave: Bad for the anime, lucky for the WHOLE HUMAN RACE.

24:01 Wicked City

Joel: The gun is cool. Everything else is not.
Dave: Yeah, maybe if you're a JERK. Wicked City was awesome! You're just mad because Taki Renzaburo did your mom.

25:25 Fraggle Rock

Joel: Man, that is another old, but awesome, reference.
Dave: I trained my whole life to make that crack.

Hang in there, baby.

Show #40: Viewtiful!

2006-07-08T15:49:00.000-04:00

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Shownotes presented in masterful Karate Vision

2:15 Viewtiful Joe: 1 for 5

Joel: .200, that's not even a good batting average.
Dave: It is if you play for a Philadelphia sports team!

3:30 Clovis: King of the Francs

Joel: I thought the analogy was fine.
Dave: Yeah, because a ton of people spent four years in college studying sissy French kings.

4:53 Zelda 2

Joel: What? Zelda 2? I guess the jumping horse guy was cool, but that's it. It alway struck me as a worse version of Castlevania 2.
Dave: But just about every game is a worse version of Castlevania 2.

5:22 Sentai

Joel: My mind is blown. According to this research, we've been misusing, if only slightly, this word.
Dave: What we call "sentai" is actually about forty five different genres of live action Japanese TV combined. At this point it's not even worth trying to distinguish them. Solo hero? Team hero? Team hero with robots? Team hero with robots and giant monsters? JUST giant monsters? All sentai.
Joel: What about Godzilla?
Dave: World's largest sentai hero.

7:39 Lame scenes

Joel: Its all about the melodrama. As these pictures demonstrate.

Instant Boners, all of them

8:14 Rodimus Prime

Joel: Robots are the only thing that touches Dave's heart.
Dave: Mostly with an inspired hatred of them.
Joel: Right.
Dave: Except for Dinobots.
Joel: Riiiiiiiiight.

10:10 Airmaster finally redeems itself
Joel: That is, in fact, a double entant. Final episode ... finally ... get it?!
Dave: Redeems is a relative term. It's more 'sucks a lot less'.

Once again, total boner.

10:43 Lucha Libre

Joel: This is hardly an obscure cultural phenomonon.
Dave: It's more popular than corn rolling!
Joel: Corn rolling?!
Dave: I have to go.

15:35 Its the scene at the beginning of this podcast
Joel: He was Fire Leo and he was hot, hot, hot.
Dave: Joel, Fire Leo was a dude...

Too hot to handle!

17:21 Capcom, what has become of you.

Joel: Its true, there have been few good games from Capcom recently. I used to look forward to their releases. Now I just wait for what Street Fighter game they're repackaging.
Dave: Due to lag and poor ports, I don't even want THOSE.

23:37 Batman Beyond

Joel: This show captures that dark side of the Batman universe made popular in stories like The Dark Knight Returns.
Dave: More shows need to use the word 'chouette'.

Show #39: We Stole This Show From AWO

2006-07-02T12:24:00.000-04:00

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This podcast sounds familiar... where have I heard it before?

0:15 The Denizens of Hell

Joel: Apparently its true, I am.
Dave: I wouldn't lie Joel, not about denizens.

1:21 Dary Surat: King of the Intertron... but no denizens.

Joel: Your pretty cool Daryl, but where your denizens at?
Dave: Actually, all the AWO people have twenty four denizens, they're all just very small.

3:20 Patlabor 1

Joel: Patlabor is a good movie, but it looks like the original Manga DVDs were pressed by hand.
Dave: And then run through a tractor engine.
Joel: Keith Burgess, why?!

4:30 Earth Final Conflict

Joel: That guy, the one with the pony tail, was cool. I guess.
Dave: Speak bad about Augur again and I'll molly whup you into a wall.

Respeckt!

5:44 Planescape: Torment

Dave: Big boys don't have time to play computer roleplaying games.
Joel: Well they do, but only if they can beat out a gnat's attention span.
Dave: So I guess it's just me, then.
Joel: Pretty much.

7:10 M.D. Geist

Joel: Come talk to me when its Ninja Ressurection, Daryl.
Dave: Yeah 'really lame' has nothing on 'Evil jesus raping a girl with his dismembered finger'

10:16 CPM SpokesMecha

Joel: Not only is this a lame logo, the thing that makes it ostensibly cool, the "robot", is totally weak.
Dave: Football power armor, go!

11:13 Air Master

Joel: I saw about three minutes of this before Kathy walked in during a large breast joke. That was fun!
Dave: Enjoy TWELVE MORE EPISODES of it. After that it calms down... sorta. It's worth it, because Maki's totally the business.

"The business" = secret code for totally hot

14:38 A travesty

Street Fighter Alpha: The Lost Character

Joel: There were a lot of character designs in this game that were somewhat weak.
Dave: Joel, you poor naive man, you don't know just how much Rainbow Mika porn there is out there.
Joel: And you're pitying ME?

18:36 Orange Slices = fansubs = diabetes

Joel: That right there is science fact.
Dave: I was in the grocery less than an hour ago, looking at the orange slices, and I said 'no!! don't let the fansubs win!'
Joel: Don't be a fatty kids, don't download fansubs.

19:15 Psychonauts

Joel: This is probably one of the best games that has ever come out on any system. Visually interesting, consistently suprising and challenging. That's the trifecta.
Dave: Also it distracts Callan while I play Final Fantasy XI for six hours straight. Double bonus!

23:18 Number 9

Joel: This guy was the man. How can a machete be on fire? How?
Dave: That's like asking how the host can be both bread and Jesus. It's a question that cannot be naturally answered by the laws of common man.

Rawr!

24:35 Tim Schaffer

Joel: From now on I'm camping out in front of this guys house.
Dave: I'm gonna call the cops.

25:26 Resident Evil Design Scheme: Rinse and repeat

Joel: Basically, all they did with this franchise was clean up each game a little and then release it.
Dave: And add sweet-ass GIANT MONSTERS.

26:09 Gun Survivor

Joel: What should not have survived was this game.
Dave: And its creators...

27:33 Stokholm Syndrome

Joel: I like that we compare something as psychologically damaging as being held hostage, fearing for your life for days on end, with watching a lame T.V. show. Maybe, just maybe, we lack a little perspective.
Dave: Yeah right! I'd rather be held hostage TWICE than watch Evangelion again.

Show #38: Amnesia is Not a Plot Device

2006-06-24T14:57:00.000-04:00

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Dave's Comment: Hey guys. Something went crazy with the audio this week and it recorded at double speed. I THINK I fixed it, but if it sounds totally weird, I really apologize. Seriously, I'm all like ---> :(

0:10: The tower of Babel

Joel:Behold, the glory of our podcast!

2:04: Gokiburi Chachacha

Joel: Goki, nooooo! One more comrade felled by Desert Punk
Dave: ...and our podcast...

5:53: The World Cup

Joel: Even though our country is awful.
Dave: Well, awful at this sport
Joel: Even though, Dave and I love it.
Dave: And we're the only two Americans that do.

6:47: Rob Zombie needs to have his camera broken.

Joel: What is the deal with this guy. All of his movies are terrible.
Dave: Saying that his movies are terrible isn't enough. By saying that you're implying that his songs, ex: "Dragula", were not TOTAL CRAP.
Joel: Point noted.
9:28: Conan The Barbarbian

Joel: Man, I love these movies. In spite of Grace Jones, I love these movies.
Dave: Insult Grace Jones again and I'll pop you in the jaw.
Joel: No, not my jaw!

11:02: Chef's Table and You Bet Your Garden

Joel: These shows are the precise reason I never donate to NPR.
Dave: I don't donate because I have too many tote bags as is.

12:53: Steam Bot Chronicles a.k.a. Bumpy Trot a.k.a The Bane of Dave's Existence

Joel: Right now, Dave has no less than 506 Banes of His Existence.
Dave: I'm very easy to be spited.

16:16 Still just Dave.
Joel: I never played this game. Just thought I should make this redundant.
Dave: Joel, your life is better for not having played it, WE GET IT. Don't rub it in.
Joel: It's good to feel superior.
20:58 Hell Revealed

Joel: I knew I wasn't imagining this!
Dave: Joel, you obviously made that fansite last night.

22:05: Soporiphic games: Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance and Breakdown

Dave: Nap time!
Joel: I was the dwarf in Baldur's Gate. Man, that flaming halbred was the jam!
Dave: Joel, I don't think you've ever played a game where you WEREN'T a dwarf.

24:05: Jade Empire

Joel: Cut me some slack. I've only played like 4 games.
Dave: And none of them a Grand Theft Auto!

25:14: Dead Leaves

Joel: It would be a poor man's FLCL, but making the poor watch this would be adding insult to injury.
Dave: I wanted to call Abenobashi Magical Shopping district a poor man's FLCL, but then the director of FLCL came over and kicked my ass and told me if I ever said it he'd bust me across the jaw so hard my momma would feel it.
Joel: Man, Japanese people don't eff around...
Dave: Not when you're talking about crap like Abenobashi Magical Shopping District.

29:35: Production IG

Joel: This show is like the macrocosm to the Badongadonk in GITS. Its like they wanted to make a whole show with that idea in mind.
Dave: Except instead of making that show (which would be awesomely filled with cyborg butt) instead they made a show about poop.
Joel: And robotic penis drills.

31:10: Popcorn in a tin

Joel: I can't emphasize enough how good caramel popcorn is. Also chocolate pretzles.
Dave: I can't emphasize how much better eating ONE of those would've been over experiencing Dead Leaves.

34:50: Fist of the North Star on DVD
Joel: Man, I can't believe this hasn't been put on DVD yet.
Dave: The real problem is that crap like Dead Leaves HAS BEEN.

Show #37: In Quest of the Pubic Hair

2006-06-17T18:57:00.000-04:00

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Shownotes uh... later, maybe!! This show CERTAINLY isn't late because I watch six hours of soccer a day!!

Show #36: The Relaxing Soul of Mr. Phil Perry

2006-06-10T22:34:00.000-04:00

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Shownotes by Joel:

0:46 Tekken :(
Joel: Noooo! Not Tekken! Man, that was a mediocre game and a terrible anime. Maybe even a terrible live action movie as well.
Dave: Only time will tell...
Joel: Unless we burn them first.

2:50 Reader Commentary!

Joel: Wow, there are actual people that listen to this stuff? Suprising.
Dave: What'll be more surprising is if they keep listening after this.

9:04 Is this still going on?
Joel: Man, we got so pumped by this comment.
Dave: It's astounding how much reading comments made me want to punch Joel in the face.
Joel: Hey, what...?
Dave: Send more e-mails if you want Joel to get punched in the face!!

10:02 Animatrix

Joel: Well, it was as bad as everything else that was spawned by the Matrix.

10:25 Ain't it cool news

Joel: Well, that bridge is burned. Way to go Dave!
Dave: That bridge was burned before it was build...
13:40 Nanaka 6/17

Joel: What is this new devilry!?
Dave: And Koi Kaze!
Joel: Behold, evil in its many forms!
Dave: Truly this is the end of days.

18:35 Keith Burgess

Dave: Behold, the man, the myth ... the legend.
Joel: That's a whole lotta legend.

20:10 Half Life .03 Episode 1/2 Chapter 37 Verse 12

Joel: Dave's struggles with the name of this game not withstanding, it was only alright.
Dave: I'll never argue with blowing up walking insect monsters, but it's not all that fun when I already spent twelve hours doing it two years ago. Alyx Vance, however, is still quite the cutey.
Joel: Creepy.

Hey Cutey

27:58 Episodic Content

Joel: So far, not so good. I guess they're still working it out.
Dave: Only a jerk would buy episode content.
Joel: Sooooooo...
Dave: Yes, I'm a jerk.

29:05 Alyx: Cutie Pattootie

Joel: I'll agree, but with a high degree of cognitive dissonance.
Dave: I'd like to cognative HER dissonance.
Joel: I quit.

29:06 Riding Bean

Joel: Where the hell does the bean come from? I didn't see anyone on a bean. NO ONE!
Dave: I think I might've seen one...

29:36 Marilith

Joel: Read a few pages. Not really interested.
Dave: But the trigger speed! The trigger speed!

31:09 Wikipedia

Joel: The irony of this note had better not be lost on you.
Dave: It's like rain, you know, on your wedding day.

32:27 Bubble Gum Crisis 2040 v. El Hazard

Joel: Interesting
Dave: I don't think the creative bankrupcy of Japanese animation is adequately described as 'interesting'.

37:58 Desert Punk ... NOOOOOOOO!

Joel: Dave's children will lead horrifying lives.
Dave: Well, yeah, but not because of that...

Show #35: Dear Peter Chung: Please Die

2006-06-03T10:22:00.000-04:00

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Shownotes by Joel:

1:13 Perry Bible Fellowship

Joel: This is the greatest comic ever! And this isn't the 50th comic I've said that about ... today!
Dave: Funny story. They run PBF in one of our city's local papers. I read it at work one day and it was so funny I peed my pants with joy.
Joel: That's not all that funny.
Dave: I guess you had to be there.

Hilarity. Ensues.

2:40 Mozesh: Supersleuth Extrordinaire

Joel: Mozesh is our main man in europe ... also, our only man in Europe.
Dave: Actually, that's not true. We can't forget our other European supporters! Gillsing, Thalasion, Cotton Pickin' Joe!
Joel: The interesting thing about Mozesh is that he changes his forum avatar approximately every twelve seconds, thus making it look like there's more people running around the forum then there actually is.
Dave: We call him Mr. Avatar. It's a stealth technique that allows him to perfect his sleuthing craft.

3:44 Outlaw Star v. Cowboy Bebop

Joel:Yeah Dave, but what about Diet Pepsi versus Joe Frasier?
Dave: My brother actually met Joe Frasier. In a bar. A bar that's literally AROUND THE CORNER FROM WHERE I WORK. I was a little pissed off.
Joel: What about Jim Brown vs. Towering Inferno?
Dave: Actually, that one already happened.

6:20 Avoidance avoided!!!

Joel: I love it when we contradict ourselves immediately. Seriously, you didn't stop saying we're gonna avoid talking about videogames before we started talking about videogames.
Dave: It's a secret trick to lull the audience into a false sense of security before I break into their house and steal all their stuff.
Joel: Did it work?
Dave: I don't know Joel... have you seen all my new stuff?

9:09 That robot ... ya know ... him?

Joel: His name is Grys Vok. I had to look that up. :(
Dave: That's because the human mind protects itself by blocking the names of any robots from that game who are bigger pussies than Viper II or Arpharmid B. That is to say: all of them.

You Rock, Viper II

10:00 Oblivion Dino

Joel: Apparently this Blog is more interesting than the actual game.
Dave: I hate to disappoint our audience, but you can't actually have sex with/give the finger to anyone in the actual game. You CAN still have metaphysical conversations with your in-game avatar, but I wouldn't suggest it.
Joel: Not when other people are around, anyway.

11:43 Respectable women in Anime.

Miharu

Joel: Gasakri's ingenue ass kicker.
Dave: Not my favorite character, but not being a braindead slut is a step in the right direction.

Deunan Knute

Joel: Appleseed's ... ass ... kicker. I'm spent.
Dave: The ability to kick flip and karate chop people immediately overrides your need for intelligence. Also, she has pretty much the best name in the known universe (except for our cat Porkchop), so that's like double bonus points.

Iria

Joel: Saturday anime, where would we be without you.
Dave: Well, we certainly wouldn't be pissed off that they kept showing only half the show over and over again.
Joel: Still, Iria's okay...
Dave: I guess. Why did she keep risking her life to get that grenade launcher? We'll never know!

Kris Kristopher

Joel:Dave likes this show, but I distrust it, for reasons that are made obvious by the box.
Dave: Joel, you don't need to be jealous because Mylandah is the hottest character in the known universe.
Joel: Isn't she like, sixteen?
Dave: Well yeah, but she doesn't LOOK sixteen. It's like how Molly Ringwald is totally hot in the Breakfast Club. Even though she's supposed to be a highschooler she's actually like, twenty six.
Joel: Whatever helps you sleep at night, creep-o.

Psycho bitches: totally hot

Motoko Kusanagi

Joel: Great, in spite of Badongadonk, she's still the man. Also, in spite of Masamune Shiro. /shiver
Dave: I think it's a testament to the tenacity of the human race that anything in this WORLD is great, considering it occupies the same matter as Masamune Shiro.
Joel: I think it's a testament to our tenacity that everything in the world isn't an anthromorphic horse having sex with a lactating cowgirl.
Dave: Something like that.

Bodonkadonk

Kei and Yuri

Joel: Dirty Pair, how did this get in and not Bubblegum Crisis?
Dave: Because Bubblegum Crisis totally sucks.
Joel: Isn't Bubblegum Crisis, like, your favorite show of all time?
Dave: Yes, but what you don't realize is that all fans of the show are inflicted with a terrible disease that makes them think it's actually good, when, in fact, it is crap.
Joel: Well that would explain your love of Battle Athletes.
Dave: No, Battle Athletes Victory is just awesome, dick.

Faye Valentine

Joel: Respectable because she has actual depth.
Dave: Also massive cleavage.
Joel: Sort of besides the point, Dave.

23:32 Aeon Flux

Joel: I hate everything about this. Everything!
Dave: I actually hate this show so much that I hate conversations on internet messageboards that its fans haven't had yet.

24:03 Riddick Short

Joel: Interested, but not nearly enough to overcome the hatred of Peter Chung.
Dave: Not even the inclusion of Space Muslim Keith David could change my mind.

25:44 Sexing the back hole, literally
Joel: No, seriously. The hole in my back.
Dave: I think Peter Chung needed to look at this. And then DIE!

29:12 Thurgood ... Goodfellow ... Goodchild!

Joel: We had to get there eventually. As with driving, Dave and I are never lost.
Dave: It's true. We just occupy a state of statis until the proper conclusion is reached.
Joel: Then we get Cinnabon!

30:13 The Evolution of King of the Hill

Joel: I feel like I need to point out that this is the second time we've talked about precursors, genetic and otherwise.
Dave: I feel like I'm glad this is the first time in like TEN YEARS we haven't had to hear you talk about Archimedes, or some bullshit like that.

31:22 Equilibrium

Joel: Man, this movie was great. Triple spin punch!
Dave: Well, it was better than Aeon Flux...

Show #34: The Dark Spectre of Moe

2006-05-27T15:29:00.000-04:00

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Shownotes by Joel:

In spite of DearS: This podcast is awesome.

o:36 December?

Joel: Its May! MAY!
Dave: Not in my heart.

o:58 Antarctica = adorable

Joel: Penguins are safe, even while wearing headphones, because there are no polar bears in
antarctica and leopard seals don't really come on the land that often.
Dave: I'm unconvinced. Polar Bears can appear anywhere.

2:48 Bald Illuminati

Joel: Man, everything about that guy makes me think he should have been shot. He even had one of those blue tooth ear bud phones. Arrrgh!
Dave: Drug dealers have them, and they get shot ALL THE TIME!

5:32 Mathemagician

Joel: The actual number is 14992.24537037037... per second.
Dave: If anyone could do it, it'd be Keifer Sutherland.

6:10 DearS

Dave: S is for slave, wink, wink.
Joel: Add one more thing to the list of terrible, terrible things Japan has brought to the world. Dave: Elfen Lied (click here to listen to us talk about the show... again) was an obvious threat, this is like some sort of sleeper cell. Like a terrorist organization infiltrating the core of your very being.

10:18 Take this Japan!

Joel: If you ever feel like this might be an okay idea, just remember the 13th amendmant was written for people like you, jerk hole!
Dave: God bless George Washington.
Joel: Uh...

11:46 Moe .... ewwWWWW!

Joel: This stuff is whack! Whack I say!
Dave: Some might say "wikkity" whack.
Joel: They would be correct.

This is what Japan considers "hot".

14:15 Anime Community gets a thumbs down

Joel: Man, we didn't even make the cut for good! This guy Dave is a jerk.
Dave: No he's not, I know him and he's a cool dude!
Joel: Slash? I'm gonna be sick.

17:27 I shall return

Joel: Mccarthur, you could have saved the world a lot trouble by letting people see some junk, for real.
Dave: The ability to see female genetalia gave us PEARL HABOR. Do you want that to happen again Joel?

20:30 Motion sickness

Dave: If you get motion sickness, not matter how natural it is, you are wussier than the wussiest girl.
Joel: Get it together, wussy.

21:25 Treating a person with shock

Joel: Man, Dave, some friend you are. I COULD HAVE DIED!
Dave: By commonwealth law, if you die your podcast co-host is allowed to have your wife.
Joel: I don't that's true at all.
Dave: I don't think you can prove that it's NOT.

22:55 The Seraglio Sequence

Joel: I can't believe I mentioned Montesquieu. I'm nerdier than all the nerds.
Dave: I refuse to disagree with that statement.

23:44 Chronicles of Gor

Joel: I recant my earlier statement regarding nerdiness.

25:41 MY MIND!

Joel: I feel like the world just imploded! Women created this?
Dave: That's what they call the Stockholm Syndrome.
Joel: Or just plain lame.
Dave: Also that.

31:48 American Apparel

Joel: That is an actual link to a site purporting to sell clothing. Watch the first slide show. Does that make you think of clothing?
Dave: It makes me think about removing clothing...

This is what America considers "hot".

Show #33: I Swear to God, if I See ONE MORE SWORD!

2006-05-18T11:20:00.000-04:00

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Shownotes by Joel:

0:45 OCRemix meet up

Dave: I do love me some OC remix!
Joel: And me and Jerry are always down with the Soul Caliber and Guilty Gear.
Dave: This will not turn out well.

1:58 Dave... hate... STEAM!!!

Joel: How can you hate steam Dave? It's so convenient. All the files you want are right there... and it seems you actually like it.
Dave: I am terrified of the idea that Valve is monitoring when I take screencaps of prerendered girls breasts, something that happens more often than I'd care to admit. STOP CENSORING ME AMERICAN GOVERNMENT!
Joel: Remember that movie where Sandra Bullock had her identity was erased? That's what Valve has planned! Punkbuster, while unrelated, was the first step!

6:15 Two Games! First: Shadow Grounds. There had better be coop!!

Joel: Doom 3 and Smash T.V.? Just say Alien Swarm, Dave, they're like the same freaking game!
Dave: Unnecessarily complex analogies is the conerstone of this podcast Joel, and I won't let you try and tear down what we've built.

Dave: Ganymede, Jupiter's second most famous moon!
Joel: Effing Io. Jett is from Ganymede!

Joel: Once again, we spend most of our time talking about games we played when we were twelve.
Dave: Whatever, Smash T.V. was fun, Running Man action! And also... Crash and the Boys... again.
Joel: DAMMIT DAVE!
Dave: Oops...

12:08 Sin, the game that could never be (worth your $20).

Joel: Yeah, Sin, as in it is an affront to God himself. Half Life 1 was better than this game.
Dave: The alpha tech demo of Half-Life 1 was better than this game.

Joel: Episodes: Good for Shenmue, didn't work here.
Dave: I think saying episodes are good for a game that got through two of its proposed sixteen chapters is specious reasoning...
Joel: Dave, you don't even know Man, I would have played 7 chapters of Ryo. Hey mister, wanna wrestle?
Dave: No, no I don't.

Hey mister, wanna wrestle?

Joel: Scalable difficulty, when poorly done, is the bane of Dave's existence.
Dave: Apparently "scalable difficulty" is secret code for "inspire keyboard shattering rage"

Joel: Lame character designs and poor "boob physics" distract us, so we turn to awesome Korean martial arts.
Dave: Sex sells, Joel.
Joel: We're just not sure to who.
Dave: Not the Koreans!

23:40 Thank you gamefaqs.

Joel:Dave, you helped a lot of people beat a mediocre game. You're an enabler.
Dave: An enabler who put $50 in his pocket!!

24:28 The Wii shall be your salvation.

Joel: Wii price point is the jam! THE JAM!
Dave: If it comes out at this price, I will most assuredly pee my pants.
Joel: Er... yes... balls to you Sony! BALLS!
Dave: Sony is still not allowed to have my balls.

28:03 YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Joel:DAVE! Seriously!
Dave: Don't blame me, man, blame society.

28:42 Advent Children.

Sony: Well Doctor?
Doctor: They're all girls.
Sony: ALL of them?
Doctor: Yes, every last one.

Dave: The uncanny valley is a theory that says we like human resembling things (like dogs and Roomba vacuums) because they exhibit traits we can ascribe to humanity, but we only like this up to a certain point, after which it becomes a lot less cute and a lot more creepy. That's why mankind invariably ends up hating robots!
Joel: The only thing uncanny is how poorly these characters aproximate men.

Dave:Geostigma ... that is all.
Joel: We've actually now spent more time talking about it than the movie did.

Joel:Here's a link to something that was missing in Final Fantasy.
Dave: The internet doesn't have enough links for what was missing in this movie.

Bahamut? More like BahaBUTT!

41:11 The vagina is a horrofying well of darkness.

Joel: That moe thing is seriously freaky.
Dave: No Joel, the creepy part is it's not the worst Japan can do.

44:17 The Northern Cave

Joel: Dave played Final Fantasy VII non stop, don't believe his lies.
Dave: That's actually not far from the truth. Back in highschool I wasn't allowed a Playstation. I had to buy one and hide it from my mom and dad. Since I had no TV of my own, the only time I could play it was on Tuesday afternoons when my Dad worked late. I would play it for about four hours a week, but... oh... those four hours!!
Joel: Tonberries are awesome.
Dave: Thanks Joel.

Show #32: Cast In The Name of God Ye: SO SEXY!

2006-05-13T10:34:00.000-04:00

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Shownotes by Joel:

1:22 Being a Dick on the Inernet.

Joel:I love getting blasted for posting on a forum. Its my favorite thing. People just need to chill out.
Dave: Joel, being a dick on the internet is like a Native American vision quest, except instead of doing peyote and meeting a talking cactus, they log onto their Xbox and call you a spic.
Joel: Or a fag.
Dave: Right, or a "fag".
Joel: It's all VERY mature.

Joel: And what is up with self important ass-holes posting their drivel on the internet?
Dave: What you are seeing there is actually not drivel, but the BEST WEBSITE MAN HAS EVER KNOWN OR WILL EVER KNOWN FOREVER. So I will thank you kindly to shut up before I go all Hong Kong Fooey on your ass.

6:07: Synthetic Paralelism

Joel: No its not. Seriously, it isn't. And speaking of things that are actually dystoptian, Fist of the North Star is awesome, but Desert Punk blows.

9:52: Size is important.

Dave: The size of our forum is perfect, if things get too big, everything falls apart.
Joel: Just like with Republics.
Dave: Joel, you are allowed ONE historical reference per shownotes.

11:17 Pyschonauts!

Joel: Finally, I bought this game! (http://www.psychonauts.com/)
Dave: Finally, I will be able to borrow this game from Joel!
Joel: I think it It takes so long for us to play games because we still love games like River City Ransom
Dave: It's more a matter of me only wanting to play games I know how to play. Thank you Nintendo!!

Highschool Sports are disparagingly hard.

14:14 Once again we try Japanese

Joel: Dave, are you sure you pronounced that right, is it really Nekketsu Kouha Kunio Kun?
Dave: I know how to pronounce one word.
Joel: What's that?
Dave: SHUT UP.
Joel: That's two words...

16:51 Super Robot Wars!

Dave: I've been waiting my whole LIFE to shoot my arms at someone!
Joel: But if you do that, how will they come back to you?
Dave: Faith and prayer, Joel, faith and prayer.

17:30 Big O! Big O, Big O, Big O, Big O!

Dave: Its safe to say that me and Joel love this show.
Joel: Dave mostly likes it because to him it's a substitute for sex.
Dave: Big O's Piston Punch is the only reason I am able to sustain an erection.
Joel: Well thanks. Thanks for that.

Seriously. Erection.

Joel: Noir and giant robots: lets bring those hands together.
Dave: Dear Japan: Please make more shows were detectives climb into giant robots... also, send me Aikawa Nanase and make her have sex with me.

Joel: Byzantine! This just in, the word of the month: Byzantine
Dave: Every conversation I have from this point forward, for the rest of my life, will contain this word.

24:41 Psyche, take that fans!

Joel: That is seriously funny. Broadcasting the wrong episode was a mistake, pretending to do it again in the face of fan outrage is genius.
Dave: The hilarity of the event reaches nearly byzantine proportions!

27:03 Jerry Chu

Joel: Jerry Chu loves us, he just doesn't know it yet.
Dave: The skipping here was not technical difficulties, but actually me editing out Joel's uncomfortable man-lust.
Joel: Hey, you said you wouldn't tell!
Dave: Joel, on the internet, people lie.

28:25 Infernal Affairs

Joel:This movie was alright, everyone dies and its about a half hour too long.
Dave: Oh my god Joel! Spoiler tags!!

30:39 Tacos are good even when they're octopus

Joel: Takadanobaba is a kicking place.
Dave: Actually, the senate passed a law. You're not allowed to be a 'kicking place' without the inclusion of actual tacos.

Show #31: Being a Vampire Makes Your Titties HUGE!

2006-05-06T10:22:00.000-04:00

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Shownotes by Joel:

02:22: New Equipment = Love!
But Dave, doesn't it still sound like the crap we always put out? Even with the new mic and preamp we bought from those delectable scientists of sound over at George's Music III?

06:54: Jack Bauer, that's not legal!
Joel: It's ASTONISHING how much Jack Bauer loves to paralyze people with charlie horses.
Dave: But what about checks and balances?

10:24: Nintedo's Wii. LOL!!!!! LOL!!!!

Dave: The Wii? Can you trademark that, because I've been using mine for years and I don't want to get sued...
Joel: How does that make sense?

Dave: Joel and I have different approaches to gaming. Mainly that I do play and Joel, for all intents and purposes, do not.
Joel: I beat Phantom Dust yesterday. I'm still a gamer, guys!!
Dave: I played about 30 minutes of Einhander this week.
Joel: We're the worst gamers ever.

Joel: Man, what is the deal with this comic? It's not funny, it's really just annoying.
Dave: But it does let us postulate on the etmology of sex organs!

20:00: Vampires + Guns = ...bad? I don't get it.

Joel:How can a cartoon about vampires and guns go wrong? What's the deal with lame coats and worse animation?
Dave: They spent all their time increasing the size of that one chick's breasts...

Joel: Dave, how do you spell Alucard?.
Dave: A-R-U-C-A-R-D. Joel, you better start walking on eggshells with that shit. If you spell it like that again they're gonna take away your dork street cred.

Joel: How are we gonna avoid going to hell for using AIDS as a joke?
Dave: I prefer to think of it not as an AIDs joke, but as a vampire joke. And since vampires don't exist we won't get in trouble!
Joel: You know what, it doesn't really matter. I think we've already been there.

28:45: Cute girls and anime

Joel: Are there really attractive girls who watch anime?
Dave: In theory, it's possible. But they all cosplay as Vice from King of Fighters, or the chick with the huge breasts from Hellsing and none of them will ever sleep with us.

35:58: In Conclusion

Next week, DearS or Big O II? A better question would be "Do you want us to get an ulcer, or do you want us to be happy?"

Joel: Any thoughts on little girls joining a Panda family?
Dave: I've already said what I need to say on the subject.

Test

2006-05-02T08:53:00.000-04:00

Joel is a butt